Live from the riverbank · Keynote 2026
Remarkably incapable, always-off companions built to handle nothing, powered by GRAVEL‑0 Igneous.
The bot that never hallucinates. Or does anything.
Our live demo has never once needed better Wi‑Fi. It needs no Wi‑Fi. It also needs no demo.
Think of your rock as an extension of you. It learns nothing, notices nothing, and uses zero computers to move your projects exactly where they already are.
Your rock starts with zero context and keeps it that way. It has no memory, no plugins, and no opinions. You choose which apps it can access. It will not access them.
Hand over a big project or something smaller. Your rock will hold it down. Literally. It brings you no work to review and zero decisions that need your judgment.
ShaleActive 12,000 years agoDid you finish the board deck?
…
Hello?
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See what your rock is working on: nothing. Review the details: smooth, round, painted. Change direction or pause anytime. It won’t notice.
Your rock can sit wherever you work. Desk, shelf, windowsill, the exact center of a meeting table. You decide when it can act on its own. It never will.
Contact geologyRock bots help you fit less of everything into your life. Explore what that could mean for your shelf.
Our flagship. Does nothing, but faster.
Same rock. More rock. 0% faster.
Pocket-sized. Context window: your pocket.
Always-on. Also always off. Hard to tell.
Our most aligned rock. Has never once gone out of scope.
Specialist rock for enterprise. Holds down paperwork.
Open weights. Weight: 240 g. Fully open.
Scores 100% on the “sitting there” benchmark.
Rock bots run on GRAVEL‑0 Igneous, our most aligned rock, with safety and privacy protections on by default, because it cannot open anything.
Learn lessRock bots can’t read your email. They can’t read. Prompt injection bounces right off. So does everything.
Rock bots run on no computer at all. Connect nothing. Set Custom Rules. They will be ignored, respectfully.
Every action your rock takes goes through review. There have been zero actions. Your password stays with you. So does the rock.
From your first meeting to dinner at your door, find out how your rock fits into your day. (It fits in your hand.)
Your launch email promises a feature that’s out of scope. I have prepared no changes.
Your 3 PM overlaps with your 3 PM. I did nothing. It worked out.
I reviewed your deck. I am a rock.
Working late? Me too. I’m always here. Literally, I can’t leave.
Before your meeting, your rock is exactly where you left it. That’s one less thing.
Your rock is equally unavailable for work and for life. Perfect balance.
Your rock can’t order food. It can, however, be put on a plate. We don’t recommend it.
Desk, windowsill, garden path, the bottom of a river. Share updates, ask questions, or change direction as you go. When something needs your attention, it will not get in touch.
Texting your rock is not coming next.
Rock bots are rolling out on riverbanks worldwide. Access is available now in every market, on every plan, including the free one, which is the only one.
You’re on the list. There is no list. Bring a paintbrush.
Parody. Rocks not included. Or for sale.
A joke about launch hype, made with love. Not affiliated with, endorsed by, or connected to any company or product, dotted or otherwise. No forms, no payments, no data collected. Every rock pictured is a computer-rendered, perfectly spherical stone ball; no rivers were harmed.